Last week, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory on the Mental Health & Well-Being of Parents and part of me felt seen and supported, but another part of me felt invisible and alone
Now perhaps the Surgeon General’s office is at work readying an advisory that recognizes that the stress, mental health and well-being of adult caregivers is also an urgent public health issue. If that’s the case: Thank you! If that’s not the case: How can I help make this happen?
Here is the letter I sent. If you agree and want to add your support, click here.
Dear Dr. Murthy,
I read with interest your advisory on parental mental health and well-being. As a mother, and one who has parented solo for the last five years since my husband passed away, I understand and appreciate the report. And, there is another, and arguably equally important family role that I have had, as a daughter caring for two elderly parents. Between my personal experience and through my work as the founder of Working Daughter, a community of thousands who are caring for aging and or ill parents and family members, I believe that the stress, mental health and well-being of adult caregivers is also an urgent public health issue.
As you know, every day, 10,000 people turn 65 in this country. As they age, it’s typically family members who are trying to meet their needs – legal, financial, housing, food, social and emotional. Half of all family caregivers even perform medical tasks. With no training, they are providing wound care, giving injections, monitoring vital signs.
Adult family caregivers spend about 26 hours per week on caregiving tasks. Some, roughly 23 percent, provide 41 hours or more of care per week, effectively making caregiving a full-time job. And many provide care for an extended period – about one third have been in their role for five years or more.
They are struggling financially: spending more than $7,200 a year on out-of-pocket costs like rent, mortgage, assisted living, and home modifications. And they are struggling at work: more than half find they need to switch to a less demanding job, take time off, or quit work altogether in order to make time for their care-related duties. These caregivers feel isolated, unsupported and unseen.
While childcare and eldercare are often conflated, eldercare differs from childcare in very profound ways. Childcare often follows a timeline; eldercare does not. Many parents plan to start a family thinking about how it will impact their lives. Even those who don’t plan have roughly 40 weeks to grapple with the concept. With eldercare, family members have no idea when they might get the call that someone fell or was rushed to the hospital. Even following a significant diagnosis, there is no predictability to how a disease might progress, or how quickly.
Bringing a child into the world is about new beginnings while eldercare is about endings and laden with grief. One is about a series of firsts and the other a series of lasts. Also, parenting is visible; eldercare is not. We talk about parenting; there are movies and TV shows about it, plus countess books on the topic. Major newspapers even have Parenting sections. Eldercare is an uncomfortable topic – disease, dying, dementia – discussed in hush tones or not at all.
You write in the parenting advisory, “Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.” Well I have brought two people into this world and I have held the hands of four different family members as they left this world. It’s all sacred. It should matter to all of us.
I stand ready to work with you on this critical initiative. How can I help?
Sincerely,
Liz O’Donnell, Founder of Working Daughter
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